Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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