haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
