Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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