doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
