I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
