There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
