I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
