This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
