How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
