Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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