Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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