My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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