By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
