Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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