Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
