it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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