He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
