Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
as a side note pls kill me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
