some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's Friday. Sex?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize