lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
