Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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