Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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