Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
