I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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