so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
