Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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