PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
