my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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