I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
