I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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