Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize