I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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