Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I will be naked everywhere
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
