The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
