So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
