god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
