I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
