Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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