Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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