then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
