420 ftw
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
