Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
