is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
