I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
How external is "for external use only"?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
