My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
