Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
