In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
