I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
