This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
