if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
