Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize