My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
