Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
