i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
