In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
