You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
