You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
