I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
