Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
