I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
