I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
