YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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