I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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