I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
