Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
